I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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