I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
vagina is talking i cant
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I can't put those talents on a resume
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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