Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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