did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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