found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
