By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize