You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
