He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize