***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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