I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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