highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
