You work out of a Hotel?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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