yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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