piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
