So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
