If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
