Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i now understand why vodka
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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