non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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