Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize