Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
