Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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