Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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