I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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