Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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