dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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