I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
