at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
