i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
