Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
