We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
