next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
