i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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