ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
