I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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