The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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