I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
