dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We just shotgunned beers for America
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize