just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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