We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
