not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
