I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Ketchup is God's man juice
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
