I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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