omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
