Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
