I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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