Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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