Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
