that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have already put on my inside pants.
I touched a dick in church today
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize