Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
