Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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