my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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