I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
