I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
