i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
