i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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