Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
