So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
