I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
