I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
