the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
