i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
