Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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