she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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