your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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