Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize