I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
