I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
