I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
