You really coming over, don't trick.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
