is your mom at the bar?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
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