Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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