I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize