im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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