He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
