Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
