I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
