I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
